I wish myself a merry christmas...

To hell with the rest. I've been filled with such negativity and anger these past few months, my attitude might finally be catching myself an emotional beating. I've felt so torn and broken that this is just slowing me down more. If you've ever met a bigger freeloading scumbag please introduce me, I can give the sucker a run for his/her money.

It's 1:30 PM Saturday afternoon, I can guarantee with my lack of care and laziness that I won't post this till at least 6 tonight, most likely later than that. I'll lose interest, turn my music up loud and pussyfoot around. I'll realize how idle it's been just sitting here and I'll post. It's an on and off thing with me. One minute I'm typing out all these shitty emotions and the next I lock them all back up and get this build in my stomach. As if I'll puke out all of my troubles and pleasures in one gag, but I can't because It's just not ready to travel from the gut through my body, spewing out my pitiful mouth.

I complain and make a fuss about the world. About people and their mistakes. However, I am just like them, no difference. I'm no better and I'm no worse. I complain for no reason. I'm bitter and negative, because of what though? Because, My Dad died? Because, I can't get a girlfriend? Because, I can't stop myself from being a total loser? Because, I simply can't get up and get out of this, sad sad procrastinating life, rut? I shouldn't beat myself up over nothing, though I'll insist on creating some sort of trouble with it all. It's like going to a street corner in Brooklyn and slinging racial slurs everywhere, awaiting my confrontation. Clearly, we all know the simple answer to these problems. Hell even I know the answers to my negativity. Will I change my views? Not right now, maybe in the future when things do start to look up.

I need something new, I need something different.

I think I'll start looking into leaving this rut. This little town of depression I seem to reside in. Possibly even look into getting out and hitting real life right in the kisser with a closed fist. If you read this and don't understand, well you're not meant to understand. No one is, except myself. Even I don't get why I continue to type...

Christmas is next week, I wish myself a Merry Christmas again...